Classic Phrases your spouse uses: decoded(BY SOMEONE COMPLETELY CLUELESS)

Are you tired of being the moron in your relationship? Did your ears perk up like a clueless puppy when you heard that? Are you nodding in agreement? Or are you nodding because you heard the word puppy? Either way, this cheat sheet has arrived to decode the most common phrases your spouse uses that'll save you from your own ignorance.

You lucked out. Sometimes things your spouse say have oceans of depth within them, sometimes they don't. This one seems to check out. A response like "OK cool" or "perfect" will do just fine here!

Great news! They aren't mad at you. Just disappointed - but that doesn't matter because they aren't mad! Hooray! You're doing good so far.

Wow, you know what? Your spouse is pretty understanding! They know you were busy watching a useless docuseries on Netflix for two weeks and took care of everything on your to-do list!

I dunno, what's the right response here? Mutter "Yessno they're ugly" quickly and run out of the room so they can't decipher what you're actually saying. I did my best decoding this one.

It' always nice when they aren't asking you a rhetorical question like they want you to change. This phrase means they know you are 100% capable of dressing yourself but they just wanna make doubly sure you're confident in your decision to wear trash sweatpants to a black tie event.

What a keeper. They definitely seem ecstatic for you to spend a night out with friends. So ecstatic that they're giving you a friendly reminder by asking you in a tone that you might first take as accusatory but don't worry it's not! Just wrap up a slice of pizza in a paper towel and save them a slice.

Put your wallet away. Sounds like they don't want a present ever. Permission to show up empty-handed granted!

Good luck! And FYI I release all responsibility for any disagreements if this advice is followed.


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