If you ate 7 lbs of stuffing before the Turkey Trot we ask...WHY? Please keep to the side of the road, clear a path for the other trotters and fill out your race bib as seen below. Thanks!
Did you just hastily volunteer to be the one to give a Thanksgiving toast before eating? Don't sweat, here is a professionally prepared speech written for people like you by a professional copywriter. Please read aloud and follow instructions in parenthesis.
Wow, it's so great to be here today [look around room and wave]. If you guys don't know me, hi, I'm the person who just volunteered to give a toast.
Let's start out with thinking about what thanks mean? Please sit amongst yourselves and discuss for 15 seconds - I'll time it. [pause for 15 seconds] That was great.
Um...hmm...I've actually never done a Thanksgiving toast before.
Oh I know! How about that Thanksgiving Day football! Go NFL! [pause for cheers] and let's give a huge cheer to Barbara for the stellar mashed potatoes! The real MVP! [fingers crossed there's a Barbara in the room]
Is this too wordy? Am I rambling?
Boy this is embarrassing...Now I'm kinda nervous. Fun fact about me is that I'm a Scorpio and my favorite chip is the potato chip. My first job was at a donut shop and I have a really long resume. If anyone knows someone who is hiring a copywriter please let the person giving this speech know. They have my contact info. Oops I think I just blew up your spot.
The person reading this definitely wrote this toast. To wrap it up, I hereby bless these mashed potatoes [pick up a ladle of gravy and pour onto potatoes].
Happy Thanksgiving! [take a bow and hand out my info below thanks!]