Please Iron Money Before Inserting Into Our Vending Machine

Welcome to our vending machine! As an uncommon courtesy we ask that dollars be ironed, dry-cleaned and placed under a 500lb paper weight for 6-7 hours to release any crinkles before it is used to buy potato chips.

Any dollar with a crinkle will be eaten by our machine and not returned.

Thank you for your understanding.

A Meandering Recipe Intro

RECIPE: Standard waffles

COOK TIME: 1.5 hours

NEEDED: - A cellphone - Tina's number 555-5555

I'm so happy you stumbled upon my famous waffle recipe to follow today! Before we start cooking, make sure check out my intro story. The cook time is set at 1.5 hours because it may take this much time to tell this story and then we can start cooking! You may ask "do I need to read this story to cook the waffles?" Yes, very much so, that is what makes them my *famous* waffles! Every great recipe begins with a great story!

The first time I made waffles was the year 2004. What a great year! I was just learning what a waffle was, and the Red Sox were in the World Series! I remember mixing the batter for the first time while watching Tim Wakefield come out on the pitcher's mound. I even had a little joke with myself "hey batter, batter" as I mixed the waffles and watched the game. All the greats were on the team - David Ortiz, Johnny Damon, Jason Varitek! WOW what a team I'm just thinking about it again now. Johnny Damon that's a name I haven't heard in forever.

This team broke the curse of the Red Sox! You see how this recipe ties in with this story now? If there's any team that did it it was the 2004 Red Sox team. I mean, how can you argue with that? My friend Tina would argue the 2007 team was better. Call her up and tell her 2004 was the best, her number is 555-5555. She never listens to me. I mean look at the stats it's a given. Did you call her?

Remember when Damon hit a home run in the first inning?! 86 years and this team broke the curse. If there was a moment closest to god this was it. And then before I could even gain my composure the sportscasters announced "AND THE RED SOX WIN THE GAME!" I dropped the batter of out shock while calling my friend Tina to share the news. I never actually made the waffles, I just wanted to use this space to talk about the Red Sox and have someone call Tina to tell her I'm right.

Directions: You Are Now Passing The Fry Shack For The 17th Time

Welcome driver! Thanks for choosing our map application to get you to The Fry Shack on L Street. Just taking a *quick* peek at your driving history here and looks like you tend to get rerouted fairly often. We've assembled our best employees to give you hands on directions directly from one of our navigational satellites in space. Just keep the voice feature activated so you don't miss any turns!

You are now approaching your destination. In 200 feet take a right.

Woah there! Looks like you just flew by it.

Alright no biggie, jump back on the express way and we'll just do a loop.

Alright here you come again! It's coming up on your right! Honk if you see it!

Cool you honked which means you see it!

Woah woah where you going!

Alright no biggie. We'll just do another one of those loops just remember it's on your right and it's called THE FRY SHACK. It's got that giant neon sign of a french fry with an arrow. We can see it up here in space you can't miss it.

Good good, you're coming in a little fast though, just slow it down. Wave if you see the sign. OK you waved that's good.

Keep going you're almost there now ease up on the gas and take a right!

Woah looks like you went a little too far! Watch out for that whale and sit tight while we reroute you.

Alright here we go! We're back on the express way. Now we're going to do the same thing as before. Once you loop off the express way The Fry Shack is on you're RIGHT.

Woah woah looks like you're heading the wrong way!

Alright you know what no biggie! Just call in an order to The Fry Shack for delivery and tell them you're in middle of the public park across the street.