A Hastily Prepared Thanksgiving Toast For The Unprepared

Did you just hastily volunteer to be the one to give a Thanksgiving toast before eating? Don't sweat, here is a professionally prepared speech written for people like you by a professional copywriter. Please read aloud and follow instructions in parenthesis.


Wow, it's so great to be here today [look around room and wave]. If you guys don't know me, hi, I'm the person who just volunteered to give a toast.


Let's start out with thinking about what thanks mean? Please sit amongst yourselves and discuss for 15 seconds - I'll time it. [pause for 15 seconds] That was great.


Um...hmm...I've actually never done a Thanksgiving toast before.


Oh I know! How about that Thanksgiving Day football! Go NFL! [pause for cheers] and let's give a huge cheer to Barbara for the stellar mashed potatoes! The real MVP! [fingers crossed there's a Barbara in the room]


Is this too wordy? Am I rambling?


Boy this is embarrassing...Now I'm kinda nervous. Fun fact about me is that I'm a Scorpio and my favorite chip is the potato chip. My first job was at a donut shop and I have a really long resume. If anyone knows someone who is hiring a copywriter please let the person giving this speech know. They have my contact info. Oops I think I just blew up your spot.


The person reading this definitely wrote this toast. To wrap it up, I hereby bless these mashed potatoes [pick up a ladle of gravy and pour onto potatoes].


Happy Thanksgiving! [take a bow and hand out my info below thanks!]

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