Missed connection: $1,000,000,000 jackpot winner

Dear person who bought a winning lottery ticket-

Congrats on becoming an instant billionaire! I realize it's probably really hard to spend that fortune on your own which is why I am extending an invite to connect and frivolously blow through a billion dollars with you! In fact, I already have a plan in mind of what I would do with all that ca-ca-cash!

The first thing we could do is buy a rocket ship equipped with a monkey that's been trained to pilot the aircraft. That's just one of my big money dreams. Another option is to buy 17 cruise ships in Waikiki bay driven by the same monkey who can also captain a boat. But of course, I am flexible and open to suggestions on how the billion dollars should be spent.

Please call me (winners only) 555-555-5555